Lucas hits the streets to protest police brutality (Dec. 6)

We owe a bigger update on Lucas’s life here, and that’s coming soon.  But for now we thought we’d just share highlights from yesterday’s march and rally against police brutality in Seattle.

We’ve both been feeling a lot of grief and anger about the incredible violence and injustice suffered by Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and hundreds of thousands of black people in this country.  The two of us were able to go out to a powerful march the day after the Ferguson decision, and it felt good to be out with other Seattlites briefly shutting down business-as-usual and demanding racial justice.  Yesterday the conditions were right — a family-friendly march near our home, with clear skies — to take Lucas with us.  During the preliminary rally he was a little nervous, but once we got up high where he could look out and get a sense of the action, he got excited.  When he saw the march start (and it looked to him a bit like a parade), he decided that despite the noise and slight chaos, we should join in.  We only made it 10 or 12 blocks, but Lucas was grinning and chanting along, and the fact that he got to roll alongside a marching Harriet (a little dog friend he had previously met) made it all the better.  Listening to the chants, he eventually asked what “black lives matter” means, as well as “What is police?”  So we tried our best to begin a Lucas-level conversation about race and justice, but of course we got about five seconds of his attention.  We’d love to hear from other parents how you’re talking to your kids.  In the mean time, here are some shots and video from the march:

7th December, 2014 This post was written by burke 3 Comments

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Organizing for Accessible Parks (July 19)

We just sent a letter out to friends and neighbors asking for support in pressuring the good people at the parks department to make some fantastically accessible modifications to our neighborhood park.  (If you missed the previous post about this, see our May 28 post.)  We thought we’d share the letter here.  Of course many of you who read this aren’t in Seattle, so the first and third action items don’t really apply to you.  But action item number two —  learning and talking and helping spread the word about accessibility and inclusiveness — is important to us, and it will impact Lucas’s generation in wonderful ways.  Anyway, here’s that letter.

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Dear friends,

Thank you so much for your interest in helping make Seattle parks, and particularly Mt. Baker park, a more welcoming place to people with disabilities!  We’ve felt really loved and supported by the number of friends and neighbors who have come forward offering to help.  A lot of you have asked us how you can help encourage the Parks Department to make the planned renovations include the best possible access for Lucas and all the other park users who move in unique ways.  (If this is news to you, I can send you background.  The basics are this: the city has about $550,000 allocated to make renovations, some specifically about accessibility.  We’d like to see them make the park very accessible, not just minimally.)  Here are some things you can do!

(1) Write a letter to the parks department expressing your support for the most inclusive kinds of renovations possible to Mt Baker park. (More information and a sample letter is below.)  If they stick to the minimal accessibility renovations required by law, it is likely that Lucas and other wheelchair users will still not be able to play with peers at the park.  We’d like them to be creative and use their relatively large budget to make a few real changes, not just the minimum.

(2) Talk to friends and neighbors about the value of fully inclusive, accessible parks.  I know that before Lucas came into my life, I didn’t think a lot about the kinds of surfaces I was walking on.  Or even scoffed at paved surfaces in nature – gravel is more natural, I thought!  But for a wheelchair user with very low muscle tone, bumpy surfaces are extremely hard on the body.  And the addition of a couple ramps onto play equipment would mean that wheelchair users – and others who have trouble with stairs – could get up on equipment and play with friends or family or strangers.  There’s a good article about this from another parent in a recent NYT parenting blog.  And this inclusion is a benefit to all.  Young children are generally very open to difference.  It will benefit all of us if disabled and non-disabled children can play together starting from very little.  If you meet others who have disabilities or access issues that we can include in our ideas for the parks, please put them in touch with us.

(3) Come to the next Mt Baker Parks meeting to express your support for a fully inclusive park!  The meeting will be Thursday, August 7 at 6:30 pm.  http://www.seattle.gov/parks/projects/mt_baker/

And of course please be in touch with us if you have ideas for other ways to make the park welcoming to all people.  Our dream is to have awesome, welcoming public spaces for all people.  Disability is one consideration, but we don’t want to overlook other communities’ needs.

Thank you for reading this far!  Here is the information for crafting a letter of support.   If you have any questions, please be in touch.

Thanks,

Krista Hanson (in collaboration with Burke and Lucas!)

206-331-4425

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Send your emails or direct your calls to these two folks at the Seattle Parks Department:

 

* Mr Jeron Gates, Acting Planning and Development Specialist, (206) 684-0998 Jeron.Gates@seattle.gov

* Ms. Shwu-Jen Hwang, Landscape Architect, (206) 684-0805 shwu-jen.hwang@seattle.gov

(I would love a copy of the letter, but maybe use bcc or forward me a copy after you sent the email.  My email is kristaleehanson@gmail.com.)

 

Please craft a letter in your own language if you have time!  If you’re not a Mt Baker resident, change that to say “Seattle”.  Or if you or a family member have a disability and want to include that, great.  Or give another reason you have an interest in accessible parks in Seattle.  Here is a rough draft, with some talking points you might use:

 

Dear Mr. Gates and Ms. Hwang,

I am writing to express my support for the accessibility renovations to Mt. Baker Park.  I appreciate that the parks department is prioritizing making the park more accessible to users with disabilities.

As a resident of Mt. Baker, I would like to see the park be accessible to as many people as possible, going beyond basic ADA requirements.  Specifically, I would like to see:

–       Paved or hard-packed rubber pathways from sidewalks to all the play equipment;

–       Hard-packed rubber surfaces as at least part of the surface under play equipment (Seward Park play structure is an example of combined rubber and wood-chip surfacing).  Wood chips alone do not work for wheelchairs, walkers, canes, etc.;

–       Ramps up onto the play equipment so that people who cannot climb stairs can play with family, friends, and peers;

–       Accessible swings, including a yellow bucket swing (good for children with disabilities and fun for all children) and a drive-on swing for wheelchair users;

–       Components on the play structures that are designed specifically for wheelchair users and non-disabled children to play together.  One example of this is the sway-fun glider: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-S3p4h1poo.

–       Collaborate with local architects and designers who have made beautiful, accessible playgrounds in the Seattle area.  One example is Miner’s Corner in Bothell, the first universally accessible park in Snohomish County: http://snohomishcountywa.gov/Facilities/Facility/Details/Miners-Corner-57.  Another example is the Seattle Children’s Playgarden, http://www.childrensplaygarden.org/.

Can you please let me know what your plans are for the park?  Will the new design include these features?

Sincerely,

[your name and neighborhood/city]

Feminist Fathers Day (June 16)

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Lucas’s cousin Tya dressed me up as Princess Penelope for Father’s Day

Krista was sick with a stomach flu over the weekend so Lucas and I got to spend a lot of time together.  I couldn’t have asked for a better father’s day gift than getting to spend extra time with Lucas (though I could have done without the calls of “daddy, daddy!” in the middle of the night and the multiple trips back and forth to his room when he couldn’t get back to sleep at 4 am.)

I don’t put a lot of stock in holiday’s like Father’s Day so I was all ready to do my usual downplaying… and then I saw the challenge from two inspiring dads, Chris Crass and Tomas Moniz, “to make this Father’s Day a Feminist Fathers’ Day and for dads, papas, bapas and all parents along the masculine gender spectrum to embrace feminism and resist misogyny in our families and society.”  fathersday2014_3I encourage you to read their whole article in Truthout and think about the list of 50 ideas/actions at the end of the article (compiled from lots of different people) to help bring feminism to the heart of our families.  Some of these apply more to kids that are older than Lucas, and some our hard to imagine in the context of Lucas’s disability.  But a lot of it resonates.  As you can see from a couple pictures in this post, I was particularly inspired by #4.

There’s no doubt that feminism has brought profound, positive change to our society, and then men/dads have also benefited greatly from those changes.  There’s also still urgency around combating the worst aspects of patriarchy, highlighted by the viscous misogyny of the Isla Vista killings, and the defensive response by men to the justifiable rage of #yesallwomen.

I’ve long considered myself a feminist but it was actually a good challenge to think about how I apply that political stance to my parenting.  Partly it’s a challenge because when it comes to Lucas I can’t imagine doing things any other way.   Of course I want to be engaged in my son’s life, and I  do my best to be an equal parent in all aspects of our family: from providing care to doing housework to staying on top of appointments to playing games in the park.  This is not to say Krista and I always managed to avoid taking on more gendered parent roles; for example, I tend to be more involved in our finances while Krista has been more engaged in getting everything in order for Lucas’s school transition… and, she’s more into shopping for his clothes :)  But we talk about it all together and try to even things out if it gets too skewed.  I remember a couple years ago when it got really hot outside and I went to the thrift store to by Lucas some tank tops, acknowledging that it wasn’t my favorite thing.  I came away with some sweet, frilly, flowered shirts that I was quite proud of — thereby encouraging Lucas to mess with gender norms at the same time!

Challenging the rigid gender binary seems like an important aspect being a feminist dad.  I’m down with dressing Lucas in pink or putting flowers in our hair or going grocery shopping (the latter has become one of our favorite things to do together of late) in part because I want to show him that it ok for guys to do all that stuff.  It’s better than ok!  Perhaps most importantly, I like to give Lucas kisses and demonstrate my love for him.  In some ways, the fact that he has a disability makes this piece more pronounced — I can be very protective of Lucas and when we’re public places and I feel alienated at how he’s being excluded because of his disability my reaction is to cuddle him close to me and show the world how much I love this wonderful little boy.

If some of this feels a little self-promoting or self-important… well, it probably is.  And as Tomas and others have pointed out in the pages of Rad Dad magazine, there is a certain contradiction in constantly celebrating our efforts to be good, feminist fathers even as we try to undermine the tendency of men to dominate.  So let me say too that I realize that I have a lot of work to do around this.  Part of the reason I wanted to write something about feminist Father’s Day is because I still struggle being more open and in touch with my feelings when it comes to being part of a family… indeed, like many cis-gendered men I’ve been conditioned to be emotionally aloof and it’s a lot of work to unlearn that.  But I’ve had some good role models… like my own dad, who found ways to be very engaged despite a grueling job, and then also worked hard to unlearn aspects patriarchy and sexism that were ingrained in him by our society.

fathersday2014_2

My family (minus a sick Krista) on Father’s Day 2014

As Chris Hayes lays out in his Father’s Day commentary from a year ago, “this is the great gift of feminism to men: it took a sledge hammer to the most stultifying parts of patriarchy including a vision of fatherhood in which dads were expected to be distant, stoic, removed creatures from their kids’ lives.”

(Note: I can’t believe I just wrote about my dad “unlearning patriarchy” on Lucas’s blog.  He’ll get a kick out of it, though, especially since I followed it up with a quote from Chris Hayes, his favorite progressive commentator.)

In the end, I decided not to participate in the #feministfathersday social media frenzy yesterday, in part because I pledged that as part of my commitment to be a radical dad, I would stay off of email and social media for a whole day (!)  But Krista posted the picture of me wearing a tiara and earrings with my arm around Lucas (at the top of the post) and whatya know, it got lots of likes on Facebook.  Alas, I fared better than others who tweeted powerful feminist messages about parenting throughout the day and were slammed but the sexist, misogynist Twitter trolls, who only managed to reinforce our point.  I guess I should be grateful that Lucas’s blog doesn’t have any haters who post rude comments…

Anyway, here are some tweets from a few stellar feminist dads I know.  Happy late feminist Father’s Day!

 

 

 

16th June, 2014 This post was written by burke 2 Comments

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Triumphs and tribulations (Nov. 1)

First off, we’re thinking about all of our friends on the East Coast who weathered Hurricane Sandy earlier this week.  The Washington DC area (from where we recently moved) went largely unscathed but New York City (where we lived before that) was of course devastated.  As the storm approached on Sunday we couldn’t help but think of families of kids with MTM, as well as other medically fragile people who rely on electricity for survival, in it’s path.  Fortunately, it appears that folks we know only lost power temporarily.  Still, with Seattle on a major fault line and extreme weather on the increase, the storm helped us conclude that it’s time to get a gas generator.

Lucas has had his ups and downs since we last wrote.  He got sick last week and had a few harrowing incidents at school that forced him skip out for two sick days (his first since school started in September.)  He actually bounced back pretty quick and was in such a good mood during the days that he played hooky that we almost questioned keeping him home.  But having multiple incidents where nurses had to do emergency trach changes because Lucas appeared to be having trouble breathing is something to take seriously.  Last Tuesday the bus driver actually had to pull over on the return trip so that Lucas’s nurse could suction repeatedly, change his trach, and eventually take him out of his chair and lay him on the floor of the bus.  She considered calling 911 but instead got Krista to drive over and pick them up.  By the time he got home Lucas was in a grand mood.  The same can not be said for his nurse.

Such incidents have become rare with Lucas, but what happened last week was a good reminder to all of us that he’s still very fragile.  We push him a lot harder these days, and pre-school can really take a toll on the little guy sometimes.  There are days when he falls asleep on the bus ride home, or looks totally out of it by the time he gets off the bus lift.  Meanwhile, he continues to struggle with his power chair, having small breakthroughs some days but more often either refusing to drive it or not getting very far when he does.

But those are the challenges, which help to set the stage for some recent triumphs.  First, we took Lucas to the Cat in the Hat play at the Children’s Theater on Saturday, and were joined by a bunch of friends and their kids.  Being one of Dr. Seuss’s biggest fans, Lucas of course loved the play.  For much of it he sat up chanting “the Cat in the Hat!!” and “What’s that Cat in the Hat doin’ now?” and afterwards as we rolled around the Seattle Center on a drizzly day, he grasped the glossy program like his life depended on it.  Then he had a melt down and we had to rush back to the van… but what was really special was doing an outing with friends and their typically developing kids (which is to say kids that don’t have disabilities) and have everyone enjoy themselves like it’s no big deal.

The next day was a special experience of a whole different sort.  We went to a Halloween themed birthday party in Bellevue in which more than half the kids had physical disabilities.  There were wheelchairs, walkers, standers, and other contraption rolling all around the big community center, and Lucas was not alone with his tracheostomy or suction machine.  The parents of Julie Grace – who’s birthday it was and who uses a wheelchair herself as well as eye-recognition software to communicate – had done a great job of figuring out some games that everyone could participate in, and Lucas especially enjoyed taking tuns throwing a blinking bouncing ball with another little boy.  We met some great parents who seem to be navigating the tough waters of special needs with determination and creativity, and exchanged notes on augmentative communication devices, special education challenges… and even got some insider information about new developments at the Woodland Park Zoo’s penguin exhibit.

Finally, yesterday was Halloween and Lucas had a blast.  School was out for the day but he wore his costume to music class in the afternoon and then was joined by Nonna and Papa for some trick or treat fun at our house.  We handed out candy for a couple hours and set up the couch near the front door so Lucas could check out all the cool costumes… and show off his own.  Some neighbors – goaded on by Nonna – even came over to sing “The Monster Mash” (newly arrived on Lucas’s top 10 list).  Though he didn’t get to join in the candy fun we also handed out stickers for kids who, like Lucas, found that to be more exciting than overindulging in sweets.

Book and Movie Reviews, Part 1 (Aug. 26)

Burke and I have been talking for about two years now about adding a “resources” section to this blog, since we’ve learned so much about parenting and disability from books, magazines, films, friends, and other blogs.  But creating an exhaustive list of everything we’ve read has felt too daunting.  However, with Lucas napping and a good cup of coffee on hand, I’m finally going to take the plunge.

Or maybe I’ll wade my way in to this, since I’m not sure if I can do justice to the two books I’ve loved the most so far.  So for now I’ll just name then, and maybe I’ll say more later.  But you should just read them – they’re both memoirs by powerful women who are also awesome storytellers.  The first is Too Late to Die Young by Harriet McBryde Johnson.  The second is Knowing Jesse: A Mother’s Story of Grief, Grace, and Everyday Bliss by Marianne Leone.

The book I read most recently is No Pity: People with Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement by Joseph P. Shapiro.  It is an extremely accessible history book about the disability rights movement, and since Shapiro is a journalist, he’s practiced at telling people’s stories.  The book focuses mostly on the activism of people with disabilities and their families in the 1960s-80s, though he knows his history going back much further.  Everyone who can’t already tell me when the ADA was passed, whether or not deafness is a disability, and what a CIL is should read this book.*

Because the author is so good at telling the stories of the activists, organizers, and rabble rousers who have made up the disability rights movement, the book feels very personal.  He tells the story of Ed Roberts, a student at UC Berkely who had had polio in the 1930s and then became a quadripalegic.  Roberts pushed the UC Berkley, and was the first quadripalegic admited, along with his iron lung.  Together with other students with disabilities, he organized for the right to live first on campus (they were only allowed to live in the campus hospital initially), and eventually created the first Center for Independent Living, a space where people with disabilities could hire their own attendants and make their own choices about how they would live.

The book tells the story of the emergence of disability as an identity, and especially as a source of pride in the 1980s.  But it also goes back through the ugly history in this country of isolating, institutionalizing, and trying to erase difference and disability.   There were major efforts to stop the use of American Sign Language through the 20th century, as hearing “experts” insisted that deaf people could be forced to assimilate through lip reading.  Shapiro traces the story of the suppression of ASL and its relatively recent reemergence as a common language for deaf people.  The author also tells the life story of his own friend with intellectual disabilities, Jim , who was institutionalized for nearly his whole life, from 1959-1992.   Shapiro tells about some of the so-called “behavior modification” techniques that Jim suffered – and certainly compounded his difficulty connecting and communicating – that were acceptable at the time.

The indignity and outright abuse thousands of people with disabilities have suffered in institutions was difficult to read.  Though most major state “mental institutions” were closed in the 1980s and 90s, today people with disabilities who cannot afford their own home and personal assistants are still forced into nursing homes and other smaller institutions – where they have little to no autonomy over their own bodies.

The fact that the book ends near Jim’s story is telling.  The disability rights movement of the 1960s-90s had epic achievements, both in terms of rights and shifting our national culture toward inclusion of people with disability.  As a parent, I am so grateful that Lucas was born now and not 50 or 100 years ago, when the dominant culture shamed families of children with disabilities.

The book also felt incredibly personal since we as a family benefit all the time from the work of these disability rights activists – every time we roll into a library, theater, zoo, aquarium, or up the elevator on the ferry.  I felt like I was reading the history of our people.  I cried through the chapter on the history of the wheelchair (though it was not written to be a tearjerker).  I felt so grateful for the people before us who demanded something better – lighter, faster, easier – than what medical supply companies said was possible.

But of course we still have a long way to go, and I’m dying to read the sequel to No Pity (if anyone has suggestions?).  But in many ways it is still being written.  The emerging disability justice movement is redefinining the goals of people with disabilities — no longer wanting just “independence” and equal access to a broken system, many disability activists are talking today more about “inter-dependence” and the need to address racial, economic, gender and all other forms of inequality and oppression that co-exist with ablism in our world today.  And at the same time, we have a major political and cultural fight on our hands to defend what many of these activists have won in the last half century.  I live in fear of the ideology of the extreme (and maybe even moderate) right — each person to her or himself.  You only deserve as much as you work.  On the contrary, I want to live in a society that provides for people what they need, whether that is wheel chair ramps or sign interpreters or personal assistants around the clock.  But with Social Security and Medicaid and many other forms of support for people with disabilities on the chopping block, the future of the victories of the disability rights movement feels uncertain.

But now I’m wading into the territory of writing a book rather than reviewing one!  So here’s one more review – a hopeful sequel to Jim’s story.

We just watched “Wretches and Jabberers,” a documentary about two men on the austism spectrum who communicate primarily through typing.  (If you have Netflix, you can see it on-demand there.)  They were both institutionalized as children, but now they have become advocates and spokespeople for people with intellectual disabilities.  The documentary follows them and their two assistants as they travel to meet other people with autism in Sri Lanka, Japan, and Finland.  The movie critics don’t seem to love it (based on my quick skimming of reviews) because it’s slow.  But the critics miss the whole point.  The “jabberers” in the title refers to the rest of us — the people to whom language comes so easily we overuse it.  Tracy and Larry work so hard to get each word out that they, and the people they meet in their travels, choose their words with precision, then type them out one slow letter at a time.   Tracy and Larry are poets, artists vividly describing their unique perspective and experience of being human.  It is absolutely worth it for us jabberers to sit quietly and listen.

Thanks so much to Carol Tyson for helping us find these and more books and resources.  She actually compiled a 10-page document for the bookstore at Busboys and Poets in DC – suggestions of books to add to the shelves – which we’ll figure out how to link to soon.  And thanks, too, to Lezlie Frye for also helping assemble our ongoing reading list.  It is good to have friends.

 

* Answers: the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was passed in 1990 and signed into law by George HW Bush; some deaf people do consider deafness a disability, some do not; and Centers for Independent Living (CILs) are housing centers for people with disabilities where they are given support to live as independently as possible.

 

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